FRENEMIES

As established in the previous post, communication is not all just about having a good command in language, communication is more than that. Nonverbal communications play a large role in relaying a message to the end-receiver, especially when interpersonal relationships are concerned. Verbal and/or nonverbal communications, whether or not, relayed directly to the subject, do send out vibes, that will ultimately be felt by the end-receiver.

I'll attempt to illustrate this in my following example.
Kindly put yourself/yourselves in my shoes.

You are part of a closely knitted group of girlfriends. You are so close that, sometimes, others refer you as the Spice Girls (fictitious). You are closest to Victoria since you have known her for the longest time and she has always been there for you. She would smile and forgive you even if you did something upsetting to the group.

You are at a party with the group. You turn your back to grab a drink and upon returning to the group, you notice Victoria whispering to and nudging the other girls. You think, perhaps, you are just too sensitive. You turn your back again to grab another and the same scenario unfolds. You bump into an old friend and do some catching up; you turn back to the group this time to find Victoria rolling her eyes at you and then, upon acknowledging your return, quickly reverts to a friendly face. The group proceeds to the dance floor. Seemingly, Victoria dances with middle-fingers directed at you.

Before this, you have heard from Melanie that Victoria pointed the finger at you in a recent happening. Melanie knew it could not have been you since you were the one who brought the matter up to her (since she would be the one affected), after witnessing what you thought Emma did. You have also heard that Victoria has been questioning others why ‘Mr. Her Crush for the Longest Time’ would compliment you on past meetings. According to your friend, this was accompanied by the famous American hand gesture.

You relate these happenings to the rest of the group. They empathise with how you feel. Emma points out that, she too, has been experiencing similar situations with Victoria. The rest of the group has gathered that it is unlikely that Victoria would explain why she is behaving this way. Victoria would sometimes tell them that they are just too many things; she doesn’t know what to begin with.

When you and she are alone, she is at all smiles with you. She would even be upset with you if she finds you at a club without informing her beforehand (note: often a last-minute decision under special circumstances). Even if you casually asked her if there was anything she would like to talk with you about, she would just smile and assure you that you are just being too sensitive. Are you? What should you do?

Insert: dated 30th August 2008, Saturday, 6.28pm
The characters involved came to know about this post. They have talked about it and have resolved the issue. The whole thing was concluded to be a snowball of accumulative misunderstandings from both parties. It is decided that increased sensitivity and transparency be adopted to prevent any future recurrences of situations akin to those experienced and described. Nevertheless, feel free to comment on how you might have had handled the situation. Perhaps, the characters involved could have resolved it in a way better than how they have managed.

SHORT-TERM LONG-TERM

Competition is ubiquitous. Popular belief, especially in Singapore's context, has it that academic excellence would bring a promising future. As seen on job ads of many newspapers across cities, it is undeniable that certificates of qualifications are essential. But is this really enough? Why then do we still have to sit through interviews and be scrutinised? Clearly, what one has on paper isn't enough. What else does the interviewer seek? Is emotional quotient (EQ) not as important intelligence quotient (IQ)?

In today's competitive environments especially, where everyone is as about as qualified as you are for the job, a good presentation of yourself to the interviewer(s), would most probably generate positive feelings to give you an edge over the other applicants. Indeed, the majority of society would embark on a career search upon graduating from school and would require the skills to impress with confidence and poise when conversing with the interviewer(s). Even after securing a job, effective communication skills will still be important to help them manage the politics in the workplace to their advantage. Just like the majority, I too, would require such a skill to penetrate the workforce after graduation. But should effective communication really be just a tool at acing an interview and surviving the dog-eat-dog world out there?


Effective communication is not just a job search tool but a skill that should be mastered life-long as it has both short-term and long-term benefits. Effective communication ensures that messages are conveyed accurately and prevents any unnecessary misunderstandings thus possible ill-feelings. It is also an integrated skill that promises more than just how to get around interviewers.

One’s proficiency in language, the most fundamental element of effective communication, is likely to reach greater heights as one becomes more aware of the importance of the clarity of his or her message. The desire to provide appropriate responses and/or seek the intended outcomes of communication would also then provide a stimulus for one to keep oneself updated on the current affairs and be more sensitive and tactful when culture or interpersonal relationships are involved. Awareness of how nonverbal cues speak a lot about oneself and form part of the message conveyed will also cause one to be more conscious of his actions, body language, facial expressions, appearance, and styles of writing. I believe that the refinement of such co-skills would help me at building and sustaining better interpersonal relationships to make life more fulfilling and prevent or lessen any unnecessary problems or misunderstandings that, if present, are likely to affect me alot.


Also, with the advent of Information and Communications technologies (ICT), physical barriers of intercultural communication are disintegrated and it becomes even more important to develop effective communication skills especially in the area of cultural understanding and adaptability. Also, as communication is made easy through the Internet, computer programs or systems; and the Short Message Service (SMS), it is more important than ever to develop such communication skills to prevent oneself from over-relying on technology and neglect the basic skill that is essential to us throughout and in many aspects of our lives.